Hand in Unloveable Hand
by Bloodygammarae
Summary: The ugly romance of one Tanis Cousland, Grey Warden and warrior; and Zevran Arainai; the infamous elvish rogue. Neither of them are heroes, each has done their share of terrible things, yet love is blind. It is debatable as to whether or not that is a good thing. A series of one shots set during Origins, possibly some part of Awakenings later on.


Sooo this is my first ever fanfiction I've posted anywhere ever. I'd really appreciate some feedback from people who loved or hated it - do not be afraid of offending me. I have not played DA:O in a while now, nor did I proofread this very well, so if you catch something that is totally wrong please call me out on it.

This is going to be a series of oneshots exploring the relationship between my warden Tanis and everyone's favorite elven assassin. Tanis is not really a nice person. Zevran is not really a nice person.

This is not going to be a nice story.

Fasten your seatbelts, kids.

* * *

The night had been disconcertingly quiet, there was no sound save for the soft crackle of a campfire, the low and primordial sounds of nocturnal animals, the low rasp of early fallen leaves as the breeze skittered them across the ground. A hunched form sat by the fire, wrapped tightly in a dark cloak that was little more than wolf pelts stitched to a linen backing. The woman drew her knees to her chest, and shuffled the cloak around to cover her legs better, drawing out a heavy sigh. The flames flickered over her features, this lighting made her into something strange and ethereal.

"You are up late, Tanis."

The Grey Warden nearly jumped out of her skin, and instinctively her hand flew to the sword hanging at her belt. Tanis clambered hurriedly to her feet half-drawing the enchanted blade from it's scabbard before she recognized the voice, squinting into the shadows. She could not see him, and if it were not for his speaking she would have never heard his approach.

"My...my, we are jumpy."

Zevran moved, revealing a sliver of tan skin and a leather boot in the wan moonlight, and closed the short distance between them. A wide and shameless smirk was worn across the elven assassin's pointed features. Tanis eyed him warily, hissing "One tends to be careful with an assassin in their midst." The elf was unarmed, though she suspected he had a concealed blade or two hidden out of sight, but she already knew she had little to fear from the rakish assassin.  
"Ah, You are still worried I will kill you in your sleep, yes?"  
"No." She made a point of not looking at him. Her tone was unwarrantedly harsh as she flopped gracelessly back on the ground next to the fire.  
Zevran was not taken aback by the cruelty of her voice in the slightest, in fact his grin merely spread to cheshire proportions. "It is not the first time the thought of me has kept a woman awake at night."  
"Piss off, knife ears."  
Zevran made an expression of mock hurt, seeming to glide rather than walk as he moved to sit crosslegged next to her. "Oh! The racial epithets!" He wiped away imaginary tears, "I am so very hurt, Tanis. A woman of your standing should not use such cruel cruel words!"  
The Grey Warden's eyes flashed dangerously, and she snarled " My standing?!" She kicked at a rock at her feet childishly, "Ferelden has labeled me a criminal! A traitor to the crown! A murderer!"

Zevran shrugged in the face of her ire, something that only infuriated her further, "I have been called all of those before, more than once in fact."  
"There's a difference, Zevran."  
"Ah yes, I forgot. I truly am a murderous kingkiller. Regardless, I was not referring to your standing to the people of Fereldan."  
"What the hell do you mean then?" Her voice softened in true curiosity.  
"You are our leader. Not to mention the last of your noble bloodline, yes? You would not want the Couslands remembered as racists and scoundrels, would you?"  
Tanis laughed, a bitter and vicious sound. "And why not? The Cousland line dies here."

For the first time, the elven assassin's smile faltered - his eyebrows knit together with concern. "I think I realize why you never sleep. Such a dismal outlook, you must be restless."  
"It is not dismal. It is realistic."  
"Sometimes, Tanis, they are one and the same."  
She opened her mouth to reply, but could not find the words with her dry tongue. His words had struck a nerve. Zevran looked like the cat that had caught the canary, his teeth gleaming white and flickering in the fire light.

"Go to bed, Tanis. I will take the watch from here." A look of genuine concern touched his face, and Tanis could feel his eyes on her skin. The dark bags under her eyes, the disheveled tangle of her black hair, the weary slump of her shoulders. There was no question Tanis was tired, there was no one, man nor woman, who could wear heavy armor all day long and not feel tired at the end of the day. Alistair, stronger than she only by virtue of his gender, was asleep within minutes of them setting up camp. Not Tanis though, she sat by the fire until the flames died out, nodding off occasionally but never truely sleeping. "I am fine." Her voice was a rasp that did not suit her youth, even to her own ears it seemed like something that would have belonged to Flemeth rather than the twenty-two year old.

"Take your own advice." Tanis scoffed.

Right on cue, the elf flopped back on the ground. Mock snoring filled the air in seconds, and it took every ounce of her self control to bite back the smile that threatened to break her stony exterior. Suddenly, she felt a strong hand grasp the back of her shirt and tug her off balance. Tanis flopped back heavily next to Zevran in the grass, and in the blink of an eye the elf was on top of her. Pinning her arms and legs down with his own and the same playful smirk across his face "I would be happy enough to accompany you to bed, you have only to ask, my warden..." Still fighting a smile, and by the brightening in Zevran's eyes she could see she was failing that fight; Tanis gave one arm an experimental flex. Zevran's eyes widened and he forced that arm back down with great effort, it was Tanis' turn to smirk  
"You realize I can easily get you off me, right?"  
"Tsk! You warrior women always have to be on top don't you?"  
Tanis gave an exasperated sigh, pulled one arm free from his grip. Planting her arm square in his sternum she shoved him off of her bodily. Zevran flopped back,ungainly flailing his arms in a overexaggerated motion that she knew was more of his games. If he had wished, Zevran could have been up at her throat before she blinked. She turned away, dusting the dirt off her clothes. "Go to bed, Zev. Your bed. My sleeping habits are none of your concern."

She managed only a single step before she found herself sprawled on the ground once more, grunting in surprise as she felt the familiar weight of the elven assassin press her into the dirt.  
"Au contraire, madame"  
"You are so infuriating! Why are you so insistent?!" It was more difficult this time to throw him off, yet she managed it, catching him in the jaw with a thrown elbow. Zevran let out a groan of pain as she straightened back into a sitting position. Tanis twisted to find him clutching his hands to his jaw, even in the dark she could see that he would have a nasty bruise there in the morning. Her shoulders slumped, regret washing over her as she watched Zevran stoically holding his smarting jaw.  
"I'm sorry, Zev." She leaned over, squatting next to him. "It seems my temper has gotten away from me." Zevran smiled, but then seemed to regret doing so, the smile turning to a grimace as it hurt.  
"I will not take any offense, it is not the first time a beautiful woman has tried to break my jaw."  
Tanis sighed, reaching out to touch her fingers tenderly to the spot where she had hit him. He winced, and she withdrew them immediately. A strange contrast to the brutish woman she normally was. Zevran had personally be witness to her ripping darkspawn apart, throw werewolves across the room, and crush any and all opposition that came to her. Now she ran soothing fingers over the bruise on his jaw. "Morrigan can fix this in the morning, I really did not mean to hurt you."

"My dear lady, it hurts me far more that you will not tell me what is a matter."

Tanis let out a low sound, lost in the chilly night wind that blew around the pair. "Let me be Zevran."  
"I will not." Zevran murmurred, and he reached a hand out placing it on her shoulder comfortingly. Tanis cupped her hand over his, meaning to remove it yet something stopped her. His hands were warm to the touch, where hers were frigid. She left her hand there, holding his and leeching the warmth from his skin. It really was comforting, something in the gesture reminded her of her father.  
"I am being overdramatic." She sighed, and Zevran chuckled to himself. "I could have told you that before our little wrestling match."  
voicc"Shush. I will not tell you if you only wish to mock me."  
"I am sorry," For once in his life the elf sounded sincere. "Go on, my warden."

The wind blew in a sudden hard gust that whipped their hair in their faces. Tanis smoothed her bangs out of her eyes, and began in a soft voice that was more feminine than her normal speaking voice. "There is more to being a Grey Warden than legends and songs, Zevran. More than glorious battles, forging alliances, and slaughtering darkspawn." He nodded, lowering his own voice and moving a little closer to Tanis. "I trust you don't merely speak of the hardships of travel?"  
"Of course not. The legends speak nothing of what happens to grey wardens after the joining." Zevran nodded, he knew little of the joining, but he had a basic idea. "Have you ever heard Alistair gibbering when he awakes in a fright?" He smiled, and Tanis took that as a yes. Though there was a soft smile on her own face, amusement dancing in her eyes at the memory of Alistair's last episode. He had flown out of his tent in nothing but his skivvies - tearing open tent flaps and making certain everyone was alive and well, babbling something about hurlocks and reacting in surprise when Morrigan flung a fireball at his head. Tanis herself, had nearly went for her sword when the half naked man had barged into her tent seeking protection from the sleeping witch he had riled.

She shook her head, trying to clear it of the nonsense of that night, and her voice grew grave once more. "Grey Wardens have a direct link to the darkspawn. It's how we can sense them when they approach. It comes at a price nightmares are one side effect, some wardens do not have them at all. For me however, I have them much worse than Alistair could comprehend." She drew her knees to her chest, staring into the dying embers with distant eyes.

"Everytime I sleep...I see him. Dark as night, his body twisted and revolting, all spikes and claws and oozing sores. A massive dragon, more terrible than anything I know. The archdemon, it...ah, speaks to the horde. It used to just sound like roaring, and that was terrible enough, but lately I have begun to understand him." Her stoicism cracked along with her voice, and Tanis fought to compose herself. "Oh maker, Zev. The things he says." Her breathing quickened, and she tightened her grip on his hand as she blinked back tears. Her eyes were wide, and Zevran could see clearly the terror behind them.

"Tanis..." His voice was dulcet, smooth and supple as velvet. He gathered her hands, held them between their bodies and warmed her chilly fingers with his. Her deep black eyes swam with tears, and Zevran peered at her through sympathetic brandy-colored mirrors. "You and I both know that never sleeping will only compound your problems."  
Tanis scoffed, looking back at the fire and refusing to meet his eye. Her voice was still soft though when she spoke; "And what would you have me do, Zevran? Face my fears? This is no storybook."  
"There is no danger to mere dreams."  
"Is there? I have been to the fade, dreams hold more power than you realize. I have seen dreams make a little boy slaughter a castle. He built an army of their corpses. I was forced to kill him, he barely reached my waist."  
"Yes. I heard the story." Zevran pressed, and she could tell he was trying to change the subject. "A tragic tale, but that was mages and demons. Not dreams."  
"Dreams and demons are one and the same. And I dare not trifle with dreams of demons. It is not only the archdemon commanding his horde, he knows I am there. He knows I can hear him."  
For once, the elven assassin could not find his tongue. He stared at her in silence, hazel eyes searching dark brown. She stared back, his features were striking in the moonlight. That strange, slim and elfin angularity emphasized by the deep shadows. He shifted his weight in one fluid movement, ethereal in his grace. Her brow furrowed for a second, perhaps she really was asleep. Zevran gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

"I see...I cannot help you with this, but I do not think staying awake all night is the answer."

"Real wisdom there, Zev." Her tone was biting and sarcastic, but it didn't seem to phase the elven assassin. Zevran only laughed, "There is one thing I could do..." She raised an eyebrow. "I could kill you. That would stop the nightmares. However, I would have to follow Alistair around if I did that and he would surely get me killed." It was Tanis' turn to laugh, and it was unrestrained this time. One of Zevran's hands left hers, tilting her chin up and she felt the rough skin of his thumb trace the swooping tattoo under her eye. "Besides," he whispered, "It would be a waste of such a pretty face."

Tanis swatted him away, growling like a mabari "I have told you before, I will tell you a thousand times. Flattery will get you nowhere with me."  
"It is not flattery if it is true. You're a beautiful woman. You may not be a delicate flower like Liliana nor are you a sultry seductress like Morrigan, yet you do have a certain appeal."  
"Go tell your poetry to your sultry flowers then. Leave me out of your love games."  
He shook his head, "They do not interest me, nor I them. You however, are very interesting. Nightmares and all" Tanis glared at him, yet her heart wasn't in it. No matter how trustworthy he had proven, she knew he was a manipulative sort. His insistant flattery was just another game of his, and it annoyed her that he had toyed with her like this.

"Go back to bed, Zevran." The soft sincerity of her voice was gone and had been replaced by her typical harshness. Zevran did his best to look like a kicked puppy, he reminded her of Atticus when she scolded him] for eating Liliana's shoes.  
"You are not the only one with nightmares, Tanis." She watched his face, genuine sorrow touched his eyes and the elf looked about thirty years older. Yet it was only a brief respite from his irreverant smile, it leapt back to his face at once. "Let us both go to bed, safe in one another's arms. _Solo di du noi._" He fell into Antivan that she could not understand, but she could guess the meaning well enough.  
"Still you persist?! Go to bed, Zevran!"  
He turned away wih a wry chuckle, "Fine then. You win this time. Enjoy the rest of your night time vigil, my lady."

She watched him stride away to his tent, pull aside the flap. He cast one last glance of his shoulder at her, his face blank. Tanis worked to hold her glare until he had dissappeared inside. Silently, after he was gone, the grey warden pulled her knees to her chest. Arranging her cloak to better cover her body. One hand rubbed over her face, covering her eyes - Maker, she was so tired. An owl gave it's lonesome call, and Tanis shivered at the sound.


End file.
